A Man's Got to Know His Limitations..

The title was a famous line from a Dirty Harry movie, played by Clint Eastwood. Knowing one's own limitations is not always easy. A limitation could be physical, mental as in mental abilities, or psychological. For instance, someone might not be able to run very fast, or maybe someone doesn't know how to dance. A different example would be if someone was very bad at math, or was a very slow reader. These also would be limitations. As well as a psychological problem, like agoraphobia, which is a fear of being outside.
My biggest limitation is because of CFIDS (chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome) because it puts limits on what I can do. Or, to put it another way, I have very limited physical energy. There are times when I would like nothing more than to help a friend or friends, and I am unable to do so.
This problem with energy, and CFIDS in general, prevents me from traveling, whether for pleasure or to benefit someone else. I was asked recently to go with some friends on long drive to help them with a couple of situations where they wanted help with English. I couldn't because of what it would have cost me. The cost would have been a minimum of spending at least a day or two in bed. And when my energy gets depleted (used up), that's when it becomes easy for me to catch something like a cold, or the flu.
It's hard to explain to people how this disease limits me. One reason is that no matter how bad I feel, I don't look sick. When my brother, Jeff, was alive, we went to a number of coventions in order to get books signed, as well as buy rare books. We never spent more than a day, but they were long days. We would leave early in the morning, and get home very late. After one of these conventions, it would take me sometimes as much as a week to recover.
So, the point I suppose, is that I have a very good sense of what my physical limitations are because of my experience with CFIDS. Over the course of time, I have learned what I can do, and what price I will pay, whether small or large, for all expenditures (spending of) of my physical and mental energy.
All the same, it is very hard to say no to a good friend. After all, what is more natural than wanting to help a friend? So when I am not able to, I feel bad. But, one has to accept that he/she is merely human, and all humans have their limitations. And regardless of how we feel about them, it is a good thing to know one's limitations. And that's all I'll say about that.
The following statement is not a self-endorsement, but was typed in by a young friend who refuses to be denied.
Annie: John is a really,really nice,kind,funny,smart and stupendous.

Chaos Rained Down Upon My Head

Well, it probably wasn't utter (complete) chaos, but mighty close. Saturday I managed to get up early enough to jog, get Edgar's food, water, & cage ready for the day, and then make it to my Chinese class only 5 minutes late. After getting back home, I collected my dirty laundry and went to my Mother's house, where I proceeded to wash my laundry. While I was there I cut an apple tree branch, from an apple tree in back of my Mother's house, to make a perch to put into Edgar's cage to replace an old one. Then while waiting for my laundry to dry I went to the Target Store in Waterford to pick up a few things, and went right across the street to one of my favorite stores, Border's Books.
When I went back to my Mother's house, my laundry still wasn't dry, so I went to the supermarket and then went home. My Mother and sister were going to bring my laundry to me when my sister was coming later to look at my computer to see if she could find out why the audio (sound) wasn't working. They were supposed to call first so I could put Edgar into his cage, since he sometimes panicks when people come in.
So, of course, they only remembered to call when they were half way to my apartment, and they realized they both had left their cell phones at my Mother's house. When they knocked, I opened the door with Edgar on my shoulder while talking in a calming voice to him, and also warning my Mother and Sister to come in quietly as well. What I didn't count on was my sister's little fluffy pomeranian (a small breed of dog) being there, and he came in first. Edgar panicked in a big way, and flew for the hills. The only problem was, there are no hills in my apartment. The only place he had to go was a dark bedroom, where, after bouncing off a wall or two, he ended up behind the bureau. I, of course, was panicking as well, and thought Edgar was injured or dying. While cursing loudly, I somehow managed to get Edgar on my hand, and so rescued him from out behind the bureau. Meanwhile, my sister had taken her dog, Punky, back out to her car where he would have to wait for her.
And that was the end of that. My sister couldn't figure out why the sound didn't work on my computer, and so she and my Mother went back to my Mother's house. After I made sure Edgar was settled in for the night, I went to bed as well.
And so ended a wild and crazy Saturday.

Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen...

The title is actually from a song. And, no, I'm not in trouble, but life is certainly not boring. I do not have time tonight to go into all the details of my most recent adventures. I just got home, and this is late for me, from a very good dinner at some friends' house. Edgar was not happy, as I got him to bed 2 hours late. Putting Edgar to bed consists of making sure his food and water are clean, covering three sides of his cage (big enough to be a castle) with a sheet, placing his night light in front of the open side, and saying, "The Magnificent King Edgar the Bald is going to sleep. Sleep well, and have good dreams." That's all there is to it.
Anyway, I will have to tell you later about my weekend. And so, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Goodnight!"

Life Keeps On Happening

I must apologize to you all. I haven't been keeping up as well as I should with this blog. Between my daily tasks I need to do, my tutoring at the Library, my sometimes obsessive book buying & selling, as well as reading those books, and of course, my studying Chinese mandarin for my class, I never seem to have enough time to get anything else done.
And there are also those unexpected happenings that life throws at us all, that tend to wreck what plans we have. If only we didn't need so much sleep, or to eat so often. It might be nice if we only needed one large meal every few days. That would save a lot of time. And how about if we only needed 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. It would be more convenient, but actually, I'm not sure I would like that.
Sleeping and eating are 2 of my greatest pleasures. So I guess, I will just have to make do with what time I have. I promise I will try to be more regular with my blogging. But, life does have a way of continuing to happen, no matter what plans we might make.

Chasing the Butterfly

So, back to, am I a man dreaming I'm a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a man. It seems that last night I was a man trying to dream I was a butterfly, but I was not able to get enough sleep to dream much of anything.
I had to have a wonderful medical procedure this morning called a colonoscopy, where they stick a camera, on a long manueverable (able to be moved fairly easily) cord or wire, up my butt, and move it through my lower intestine. Young men like myself are supposed to get them every 5 years or so as a means (way) of detecting (finding/discovering) colon cancer.
The procedure itself isn't so terrible. It only takes about an hour, and I slept through it with the help of the medication they gave me. The more difficult part is the preparation the day before for the procedure. I couldn't eat anything after 9:00 am, and I had to drink as much clear liquid (water, tea, any liquid you can see through, but no alcohol, of course) as I could 'til 4:00 pm. Then I had to drink about a half gallon of a perscription liquid (yuck, it tasted, well, not too good) within a couple of hours in order to clean out my colon. Then back to clear liquids. So, yup, a lot of bathroom time.
And, of course, this also tends to make it difficult to get much sleep between using the bathroom, and also being quite hungry. Ravenous (extremely hungry) actually.
So, I managed to get maybe 3 hours of sleep before having to take a shower, and then get Edgar up before the sun was even up. Edgar was not thrilled about that. But he is demanding a lot of attention now.
Maybe tonight I will become a butterfly dreaming I am a man, but I simply did not have the opportunity to dream last night at all. At least as far as I can remember.
And if I am lucky, it will be at least another 5 years before someone shoves a camera up my butt again.

Life Is Not Fair

Jailbird at Bedtime

I am a very lucky fella' (slang pronunciation of fellow). I don't go hungry. I have a place to live. I have a wonderful friend to keep me company at home (Edgar). I have a mother and sister who are always doing things for me, and giving me presents like it's always my birthday. I also have many simply marvelous friends that I get to talk to each week at the Library so they can practice speaking and listening (yes, I do talk a lot) to the English language. And they also give me many things, including their friendship. And yes, they take me to lunch, and have me over for dinner. So, like I said, I am a very lucky guy.
But there are many people in the world who are not so lucky. They are homeless, sick, alone, and/or hungry. It is important to remember them as we live are blessed lives. It is important for us to help them when we are able.
Life will never be fair. It is up to us to try to balance the scales, to try to make right those things that we see are wrong. It is up to us to try to bring fairness in to our lives, and the lives of those around us. Even if just a little bit. It is not an easy thing to do, but maybe, it should be the price for the wonderful life we have. Maybe, it is only fair that we try to share it.

Look Out For The Good Days

Edgar protecting his food from the big bad human

Good days can very deceptive (they can trick or fool you). They can lull (make you feel calm, safe ) you into a false sense of security. Then, bam! Your world is turned upside down.

Now, with bad days, you usually know what you have. Most of the time it feels wrong from the beginning. Maybe not when you wake up, but from the moment you stub your toe on something, or pour coffee down your favorite shirt, and Bingo! you're having a bad day.

A bad day doesn't have to stay a bad day, but for me, the best that can happen is it will turn from a bad day to just a tough day. This has more to do with my immune system disorder (malfunction, or disease), chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome, or CFIDS for short.

I'm used to having slightly to moderately bad days most of the time. These are related to my energy level, which CFIDS has a large impact upon. Luckily I don't have many very bad days, and rarely have an extremely bad day.

The days I have to be most wary of (careful of), however, are the good days. Because it is on those days, I get fooled into feeling that I am normal. Like yesterday, for instance. I had a good day, and so I managed to get a lot accomplished, and, like a lot of good days, I overdid it (did too much). So last night I had a very bad night of sleep, which made today a harder day to get through than usual. And yes, I did stub my toe on the corner of wall this morning, and it hurt most of the day.

But it is the bad days that make me appreciate the good days. It is hard not to overdo it on the good days, because I do not want to waste them. As a rock'n'roll song goes, "Good days, bad days, Lord I get my share...". Yep, and thank God for that...

Earl Decided Not To Stop By

If you were looking forward (hoping) to a visit from Hurricane Earl, then you must have been disappointed. Other than a little rain (very little), we got nothing. Not even a little wind. That was just fine with me.
I hope I didn't disappoint anyone yesterday. I was at the Library at 12:00, but left with the only 2 people there in order to meet some other people, who had invited me to tea. Maybe there is no such thing as a free lunch, but my friends refused to take my money for a very enjoyable, and very filling, and as always, a very entertaining meal.
Knowing that there are some who arrive late for my conversation groups (including me), I can only apologize to anyone who showed up only to find I wasn't there. My humble apologies. I had left a message so any late comers would know where I was in case they wanted to go, too.
Happy Labor Day Weekend to one and all. I wish you little or no labor, much relaxation, and all the enjoyment you can handle.
I may go for a drive down along the shoreline tomorrow or Monday, but today Edgar and I are going to be lazy, and hang out on the couch all day.
Be well, and stay out of trouble!

Yikes! Earl is Passing By!

Hurricanes are a bit disconcerting (upsetting). We haven't had one come close to New England since Hurricane Bob in 1991, almost 20 years ago. I'm always a little nervous when there's a hurricane nearby, although as long as I am on solid land (as opposed to the ocean) I'm not terribly afraid.
Being on the ocean in a hurricane (in the Pacific Ocean they are called typhoons) can be very dangerous. I know from experience. I used to sail with Captain Curley Stuge and his crew, Moe & Larry from New York to Florida years ago. One late September we got caught in a hurricane and ended up on the island of Madagascar, the other side of Africa. The ship was badly damaged, and it took months to repair it before we could even sail back. It would take too long to tell you all the tales of what happened to us along the way, but that's why I never go out on the ocean anymore.
Hurricane Earl is supposed to stay out to sea far enough so although we will get some wind and rain, it should not be too severe. Just make sure you're prepared in case we lose power (electricity), have an emergency supply of food and water, a first aid kit (medical supplies for cuts, bruises, etc.), and if the wind gets too strong, stay away from windows. And whatever else you do, don't go sailing out on the ocean.
I don't know if the Library will close early or not, but I will be there at 12:00 anyway. If I don't see you, have a great Labor Day Weekend. (Yes, Monday is a holiday.)

You Never Send Me Flowers Anymore...

A funny thing happened on the way to the Library today. I saw someone following me and making wild hand gestures (motions) when I looked in the rear view mirror. It made me nervous. I tried to think of someone I might have made angry, but no one came to mind. So I thought, maybe, a boyfriend of one of the many beautiful women in my life had become jealous, and was out to get me (do bad things to me). So I drove like the wind, almost hit some girl scouts trying to cross the road, barely missed two cars driving the other way, pulled into the Library parking lot still driving like a maniac (crazy person), and parked on the far end of the first row. He still found me.
It turned out it was a friend who just wanted to ask me a favor. It seems my paranoia (unjustified or unreasonable fear) had got the best of me.
And after I got to the Library, I found that with the exception of four people, most of my friends and English learners all stayed home. Or maybe they went shopping, or fishing, or to the movies...it could be that they all went away on vacation. I really don't know. I didn't have time to feel sad about it until later. But as long as they are all well, I promise not to hold it against them, even though they didn't send a note, or a box of candy, or flowers.
But at least I didn't hit any of those girl scouts. That really would have made a mess.