The Eating & Shopping Holiday Extravaganza

I've been on quite the exercise regime lately. First, I misplaced my sense of humor. Couldn't find the damn thing anywhere. And I did look everywhere. I spent days backtracking myself to every place I even thought I might have been. I took an ad out in the newspaper, and I put up fliers all over town. I almost accused Albert of stealing it, but luckily for me, I thought better of pursuing that avenue of self destruction and painful death. It hasn't turned up, but I'm still looking.
Next, due to a mysteriously missing turkey, which had disappeared from my sister's freezer, I was called upon to go to New Hampshire to try to hunt said dead bird down. After finding some large, muddy bird tracks in my sister's kitchen, I ended up following the tracks out into the woods behind her house, where I was set upon by a band of about thirty wild turkeys. They chased me through the woods, across a highway (an interesting point: although the cars did nothing more than beep their horns at me, they all came to a stop for the marauding turkeys), and into another wood. Luckily there was a local road running through that particular wood, and I managed to jump on the back of a hay truck. The turkeys pursued the truck for a couple of miles, but finally gave up. The driver was a bit surprised when he finally stopped and I climbed out. He stood there with his mouth open, not saying a word, as I thanked him and walked away. 
As far as the missing turkey goes, I can't prove a thing. It would seem that it was stolen by the gang of raucous wild turkeys. Why, I can't say, and don't even have a good guess. It would appear to be a mystery that might not ever be solved. We did, however, have our Thanksgiving feast. But no turkey. There was ham, sheperd's pie, cranberry sauce, spinach with cheese, wonderful sweet potatoes with marshmallow and other things, and, of course, pie. And, more pie. That would be pumpkin pie, Boston cream pie, blueberry pie, and apple pie. Also, some kind of raspberry crumb pastry. But, no turkey. What the hell would a bunch of wild turkeys do with a 20 lb. frozen turkey. Thinking about it is driving me crazy.
I'm not big on shopping, so I was home most of the day on Black Friday. But they (the news) say that retail says were very good, both in the stores, and online. Today, by the way, is Cyber Monday. You're not allowed to go to the mall, but must stay home and do all your shopping on the internet. Otherwise, you just could end up being labelled a weirdo. You heard it here.
This is a hard time of year for me, actually. It seems I always suffer from a kind of physical depression around this time each year. A general lack of energy, and feeling of doom. Ok. Maybe not exactly a sense of doom. That might be a bit of an exaggeration. But the physical lack of bounding good cheer, seems to lead, or possibly be connected, to a bit of a mental depression. My sister believes I have that disorder, SAD. I don't know what that stands for. I guess I'll have to google it if I really want to know. I'm not sure I care. I do know it has to do with shorter daytime hours, and a lack of sunlight. So my sister wants to buy me one of those lights you wear strapped to your head that shine on your face. She says they do that for people suffering from SAD. On the other hand, my mother wants to know why I still don't have a wife. I told her it's hard to find the time to date these days, never mind looking for a wife. I suppose I could join a dating/matchmaking service. Nah. I'm too busy being chased by gangs of turkeys. Besides, my search for my sense of humor is proving to be a real time consumer. Hmmm....maybe I do need a girlfriend. 
I hope that those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had a truly wonderful holiday. And I do hope that those of you who don't celebrate Thanksgiving, had your own reasons to celebrate life. And I hope you did it justice.
And so, enjoy, and be kind to each other...

Damn Zombies

It used to be you could go weeks, sometimes even months, without seeing a zombie. These days, it seems they're popping up all over the place. I was in the gardening department at Walmart last week, when one of their employees yelled something I didn't catch. When I looked up, the employee, a she, fired a gun (a really big hand gun) in my direction. I figured she was going postal, and I was the first victim. But in fact, she put a bullet very neatly between the eyes of a zombie that had wandered in, and was about sink some really disgusting looking teeth into my shoulder. I felt obligated to buy her a large latte (a somewhat expensive cup of coffee) after that. Who wouldn't?
My neighbor had to call 911 last night because somehow a rogue (rampaging all by its lonesome) zombie got into her apartment, and had her trapped in the closet. I didn't hear a thing until the special Police Zombie Squad arrived. At least it gave her a good story to tell her friends.
I still remember my first zombie. I was 7 years old. She followed me home from school. She had been just a kid herself. Or else she had been a "little person" (the politically correct term for a midget or dwarf). At that point it was a bit difficult to tell for sure. It was lucky I didn't like girls at that age. Not that I would have found her very attractive anyway. Plus, she did smell a bit ripe. I a little scared, but it wasn't even necessary to run. A semi-fast walk was more than sufficient. She almost made it to my house, but while crossing the street she was hit by a fast moving car. The last I saw, she was sort of stuck on (or in) the grill of the speeding vehicle, which as it happens, didn't stop.
Yeah, you never know where one of the newly risen dead will show up next. I guess it's lucky we haven't had a mass rising of dead bodies returning to life. I'm not sure any of us would survive. Of course, we do have a lot of living zombies among us. I see them every day. Driving cars while talking on their cell phones, or putting on make-up. Spewing hate, lies and bullshit on TV and elsewhere (mostly Tea Party Republicans, but there are others). And of course, all those mindless morons who go through life every day, talking, eating, etc., without ever using their brain. They might not even know they have one, for all I know.
So. Zombies. Yeah, they really are a pain in the neck. But what are you going to do? If it wasn't zombies, it would probably be something else. Take vampires, for instance. Boy...I could tell you some truly hair-raising tales about vampires...   

The Importance of Breathing

Those troublesome little details of living that we have to put up with, such as paying bills, taxes, filling out forms, etc., etc., can be very time consuming, and definitely detract from one's cheerful view of the world. But they are all a necessary part of modern life, almost as much as eating, drinking (I'm referring to water, not alcohol), and of course, breathing. 
I am often quite envious of Albert, who pretty much does exactly as he pleases (I'm not going to argue with him), and as all bears do, as far as I know, treats the entire forest as his bathroom. Quite convenient, if you think about it. He also manages to find whatever he needs, like food, in the forest as well. Ok. He does happen to like peanut butter, and occasionally a bowl of cold cereal and soy milk. And keeping honey in the apartment is a very expensive proposition. Doesn't matter where I hide it, he will find it.
Eddie also has as easy a life as I can arrange for him. He doesn't have to do any housekeeping, since I clean up after him. And he gets his food and water provided for him every day. His food isn't all that cheap. He gets a special organic food, Harrison's, that I have shipped from NY, mixed with a more seed based mixture that's not quite as expensive, as well as fresh organic kale, which happens to be the only veggie he's willing to eat regularly. He also likes pasta and rice. But mostly he's scared, or at least leery, of people food. I've tried to get him to try a little boiled egg, as well as oatmeal, but he's not having any. He's not a "spring" cockatiel anymore. He turned 17 years old this past September. But I hope to keep him around for a good while yet. 
As for me, I'm fighting the good fight, and doing my best to remember to breathe. Sleep is a bit more of an issue than usual these days, due to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms, but I'm doing my best to make adjustments. And as always, it seems better to keep on breathing, considering the alternative. 
Anyroad, on this far from glorious and definitely gloomy day, I will now fix myself some lunch, settle myself on the couch where Eddie will be content to join me, and fall into a wonderfully dark book about the end of the world as we hopefully will never experience it. What more could I possibly desire? Hmm...I refuse to speculate.  

  

Damn Bluebird On My Shoulder

There are times I am dragged into the process of living as I grunt and groan, or sometimes kick and scream.
I believe I use my CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome) too easily as an excuse for trying to lay-low, and hide on my couch with Eddie (my little bald-headed cockatiel) and a good book. Thank God I have friends who who help insure that I don't remain a wallflower, and also somewhat regularly need my help, of one kind or another. They do give me perspective, and as the expression goes, keep me honest.
I am not the most cheerful person in the world. (Ask my Mother or my Sister, Cate, if you have any doubts.) But I do know at least a couple of people who always seem to be quite upbeat no matter the circumstances. And I do have to say, it's a pleasure to know them, and to know they are kicking around in the world. The mere thought of them can brighten my day at the bleakest of times.
Anyroad, the struggle goes on. I'd like to say I have great things to accomplish on this sunny (at least at the moment) Saturday. But I'm afraid 'tis cleaning I must do. I am a truly horrendous housekeeper. If there is only one thing I put off to another day on a regular basis, yep, it's the cleaning thing. Oh, well. Time to bite the bullet. 
I do know that for all of us, there are times life seems overwhelming. But as bad as it can get, life is still a great gift, and should always be treated with great respect. Looking at what people are going through around me, and the horrible situations that occur in the world, I know I am incredibly fortunate. And so, it is the least I can do to soldier on, even if I am far from the perfect, and uncomplaining, soldier. I am not always happy with my lot, but as I heard an Australian once say, I wouldn't be dead for dollars. 

Cold Is Purely Relative

How many ways can you say cold. Like hot, cold is a matter of degree. An eccentric ( kind of strange or crazy, but because he's rich we call him eccentric) character in a movie ( Lake Placid), calls a Sheriff (similar to Police Chief) fat. He doesn't say it to be mean or hurtful, but he doesn't care about the Sheriff's feelings. That's kind of cold, but not really freezing. Really cold would be if a woman/man you are attracted to, and want to get to know, pulls a gun and shoots you because you are annoying him/her. Not scaring, or making her/him mad. Simply annoying. That would definitely be Cold. 
Speaking of the temperature, it is snowing here for the first time this Winter. Although, technically Winter won't officially arrive for another six weeks roughly (approximately). And, yup, it's cold out there right now. But as often happens in New England, particularly with the effects of Global Warming, if you don't like the weather, wait a bit. By Monday we are supposed to be in the mid 60's. A taste of Spring.
So finally the damn election is over. My only regret is all the Tea Party members and conservative Republicans haven't been exiled from our shores. I suppose that's cold, but c'est la vie. I do hate to wish those sorry-excuses-for-humans on any other country, but hey, we don't want them here. They are definitely not team players, and have no concept of a healthy and caring community. But like I said, the election's over, and at least we don't have to listen to their hate-filled lies and unbelievable BS (bullshit) anymore. Ok, well, at least not as much. If I had to listen to one more torturous right wing political commercial, I would have graduated from yelling at my TV to physically attacking it. That wouldn't have been a good thing. I was already freaking Eddie out (scaring the hell out of him) with all my yelling and cursing whenever one of the damn commercials came on. Albert took my temporary insanity in stride, but he spend a lot of time "out back".
Anyroad. So ends another presidential election season. Thank God. And luckily Obama won. I really didn't want to start shopping for another country to live in.
So. Sandy (the hurricane) did some serious damage along the coast. New Jersey in particular, but New York and Connecticut as well, among others. There have been (and probably will be) some fundraisers for victims of the storm. And if any one wants to contribute any amount at all, no contribution would be too small, the Red Cross is gladly accepting.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Albert is sleeping under the bed, and Eddie's sleeping in his cage. I don't know whether is was the incessant clicking of the keyboard, or my exciting personality that put them to sleep. But whatever it was, it worked. And so to all, a very good night. May you be not too hot, and not too cold, but just right. Be good to each other, and stay out of trouble.