Help! I'm beating myself up!

The secret to not becoming too content is to torture yourself whenever possible. So, after 2 months off, due to surgery and illness, this week I am easing my way back into exercising. But it is very far from easy, and most definitely not pain free. Exercise is, however, extremely important to me. It increases blood flow throughout the body, which includes the brain. When I am not exercising regularly, I begin to lose i.q. points. In other words, I get stupider than I already am, and I can't afford that. I really am already as stupid as I care to be. I also start to gain weight. I know it might not seem like much, but I gained a good 5 lbs. in those 2 months I wasn't exercising. That 5 lbs., however, felt like at least 10. I had to go down a notch fastening my belt. I was so disgusted with myself that I wanted to stop eating altogether. But that wasn't going to happen. I really don't want to give up eating. Life is too short.
So, back to exercising. I am sore and in pain. I have sore muscles that I had forgotten I even had. But where there is pain, there is life. So, not to stretch the point, but baby, without a doubt, I am alive! So please, try to excuse any moans or groans you may hear, and if I seem to be moving a bit slowly, and with a certain amount of stiffness, well, just do your best to overlook it. I'd appreciate it. This exercise thing is definitely not a piece of cake...