Aarrrhg! The Limitations of the Flesh (body)...

I haven't been sleeping well lately, which is not all that unusual. It is a symptom of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is the immune sytem disease I have. But it does make life a bit difficult. Because of my "on and off" inability to get a decent amount of sleep, my exercise also becomes inconsistent, which has an impact on how I function, both physically and mentally. Sometimes it can truly be a problem.
Even though I got out of bed by 7:30 am, I almost didn't make it to my 10:30 Chinese class. As it was, I was about 10 minutes late. I know I am almost always a couple of minutes late, but trust me, 10 minutes is the latest I've ever been to my Saturday morning class.
Some good friends of mine here (in Norwich) are going down to visit my good friends in Pennsylvania, and they are inviting me to go. My first reaction, of course is to go, because I miss my friends, and would really like to see them. The problem is, we would leave here at about 5 am, which means I would have to be up at about 2 am in order to get myself ready, and to get edgar up, and prepare his cage, food and water to get him through the day. Then, we wouldn't get back until around 11 pm.
Before I became ill with chronic fatigue syndrome, this still would have been a long and tough day, but I would have said yes without hesitation. Well, maybe a slight hesitation. But now, when I have to consider it realistically, I know physically I just can't do it. Or at least, I wouldn't be able to do it without a minimum of a handful of days to recover, and a definite risk of getting good and sick, which would stretch recovery time to weeks.
When I go to NECON (Northeast Writer's Conference) once a year, I leave between 9 and 10 am, and get back between 10:30 and 11 pm. And less than 3 hours of that is in my car. This is always on a Friday, and I always arrange to have at least 3-4 days afterwards to recover. The odds are that for those 3 or 4 days I won't be capable of doing much of anything, except going from the bed to the couch, and back again.
The hardest part of this disease is always remaining aware of how fragile my health is, and doing my best to not overextend my physical capablilities. I would like to pretend (and sometimes do) that I am not sick, and that I am a completely healthy 29 year old (sshhh...don't tell anyone I'm not 29). Unfortunately, I'm not either.
And of course, I feel terrible that I cannot go to see my friends in Pennsylvania. Life really isn't fair. But I knew that already.
Anyway, as tough as chronic fatigue syndrome can be, there are diseases and conditions that are much, much worse. So, if I am complaining too much, I apologize. I know I am very lucky in many ways. It's just that, sometimes, this disease prevents me from doing things that I would really like to do. It's terrible to have to be a responsible adult, even if it's only for my own wellbeing. It's much easier to be irresponsible, but then there are always consequences, and usually not pleasant ones.
Like I said, life is often unfair. But since the alternative is being dead, I think I will continue to choose life.
So, enjoy the day, and your lives, my friends. As the quote goes, "Every day above ground is a good one." Zai Jian! (Goodbye in Chinese) Or, Hasta Luego! (Until later, in Spanish)