The Eating & Shopping Holiday Extravaganza

I've been on quite the exercise regime lately. First, I misplaced my sense of humor. Couldn't find the damn thing anywhere. And I did look everywhere. I spent days backtracking myself to every place I even thought I might have been. I took an ad out in the newspaper, and I put up fliers all over town. I almost accused Albert of stealing it, but luckily for me, I thought better of pursuing that avenue of self destruction and painful death. It hasn't turned up, but I'm still looking.
Next, due to a mysteriously missing turkey, which had disappeared from my sister's freezer, I was called upon to go to New Hampshire to try to hunt said dead bird down. After finding some large, muddy bird tracks in my sister's kitchen, I ended up following the tracks out into the woods behind her house, where I was set upon by a band of about thirty wild turkeys. They chased me through the woods, across a highway (an interesting point: although the cars did nothing more than beep their horns at me, they all came to a stop for the marauding turkeys), and into another wood. Luckily there was a local road running through that particular wood, and I managed to jump on the back of a hay truck. The turkeys pursued the truck for a couple of miles, but finally gave up. The driver was a bit surprised when he finally stopped and I climbed out. He stood there with his mouth open, not saying a word, as I thanked him and walked away. 
As far as the missing turkey goes, I can't prove a thing. It would seem that it was stolen by the gang of raucous wild turkeys. Why, I can't say, and don't even have a good guess. It would appear to be a mystery that might not ever be solved. We did, however, have our Thanksgiving feast. But no turkey. There was ham, sheperd's pie, cranberry sauce, spinach with cheese, wonderful sweet potatoes with marshmallow and other things, and, of course, pie. And, more pie. That would be pumpkin pie, Boston cream pie, blueberry pie, and apple pie. Also, some kind of raspberry crumb pastry. But, no turkey. What the hell would a bunch of wild turkeys do with a 20 lb. frozen turkey. Thinking about it is driving me crazy.
I'm not big on shopping, so I was home most of the day on Black Friday. But they (the news) say that retail says were very good, both in the stores, and online. Today, by the way, is Cyber Monday. You're not allowed to go to the mall, but must stay home and do all your shopping on the internet. Otherwise, you just could end up being labelled a weirdo. You heard it here.
This is a hard time of year for me, actually. It seems I always suffer from a kind of physical depression around this time each year. A general lack of energy, and feeling of doom. Ok. Maybe not exactly a sense of doom. That might be a bit of an exaggeration. But the physical lack of bounding good cheer, seems to lead, or possibly be connected, to a bit of a mental depression. My sister believes I have that disorder, SAD. I don't know what that stands for. I guess I'll have to google it if I really want to know. I'm not sure I care. I do know it has to do with shorter daytime hours, and a lack of sunlight. So my sister wants to buy me one of those lights you wear strapped to your head that shine on your face. She says they do that for people suffering from SAD. On the other hand, my mother wants to know why I still don't have a wife. I told her it's hard to find the time to date these days, never mind looking for a wife. I suppose I could join a dating/matchmaking service. Nah. I'm too busy being chased by gangs of turkeys. Besides, my search for my sense of humor is proving to be a real time consumer. Hmmm....maybe I do need a girlfriend. 
I hope that those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had a truly wonderful holiday. And I do hope that those of you who don't celebrate Thanksgiving, had your own reasons to celebrate life. And I hope you did it justice.
And so, enjoy, and be kind to each other...