Caught by Gravity, It takes Levity to Break Free

Christmas is over, and I have survived. There has always been a certain melancholy flavor to the Christmas Season for me. And it has only gotten worse since the unexpected death of my brother Jeff, which will have been 8 years ago in another 3 weeks. But I did have some additional help getting through yesterday. First, was a wonderful book written by a favorite writer of mine, Graham Joyce, entitled, "How To Make Friends With Demons." There is a brief, but magnificent, story within the story, where one of the more minor (but no less important in his own way) characters recounts a tale of how he was injured in Desert Storm (the first war with Iraq). He remembers having stepped on  something in the desert that made a loud click , which he believed to be a land mine. He then did his best to contact his mates (fellow soldiers) by radio, while he stood still so as not to trigger the mine. After a good amount of time had passed, an Arab with one eye came walking towards him from out of the desert, and then proceeded to have a conversation with him. This Arab, who the soldier later believes to be a demon, tells him that gravity got him into his predicament, and what he needs to get out of it, is levity. The Arab himself, finds this rather humorous, and it is, double meaning and all. But you'll have to take my word for it, the book was just what I needed, and truly is a marvelous work of fiction.
The other unlooked for boost to my spirits came form the return of Doctor Who for his annual Christmas adventure. And it was incredibly uplifting, even considering how much I do appreciate all the adventures of the Doctor. You would have to be a fan and follower of the TV show to really appreciate the story, but the title character goes from a despair of life, back to his normal zest for life. That's putting it quite simply, but yeah, it made me glad to be alive.
And then, there was an email from a friend of mine in Spain, which made any problems of my own seem quite puny. After hearing about the economic troubles there (our's pale by comparison), the government restrictions on salaries, the media, and human rights, and the choices the people have to make between the high cost of prescription medicine and the other necessities, well...I am damn lucky to be living here. And we are extremely lucky that our president is a compassionate man like Obama, instead of some moronic, uncaring representative of the Tea Party. Or, as my friend suggested in his email, like Spain, we would be trying to solve our economic woes entirely by cuts to government programs, most especially for the poor, the disadvantaged, and the middle class. And life would be a much harder state of affairs for everyone but the rich. 
But the truly marvelous thing, is my friend still has that joy of life, and has always had a wonderful sense of humor. And loving to cook, he was preparing a large Christmas dinner for family and friends, which he does every year. Even though we have never met in person, and probably never will, I'm happy to call him a friend.      

A Happy & Merry Christmas to All, Wherever You Be

Regardless of your religion, or whether you believe in Santa Claus or not, Christmas is a holiday with heart. It represents the warm, loving, and giving side of human nature. And God knows, we need a whole lot more of that. I don't believe that Christmas is just for Christians, or rich white men, or heterosexuals. Christmas isn't a holiday, it's an attitude that can't be adopted for just a single day. If you think so, you just don't get it. It doesn't even have to be called Christmas. Call it whatever you like. 
The general idea is that man is, and always was, a weak and sinful creature. And God (or whatever you would like to call Him/Her) sent his Son to be sacrificed for the salvation of humanity. And from the looks of things, we could do with a whole lot of that. I could speak of all the terrible things that have happened recently, such as Sandy Hook And all the atrocities that have happened in the past, the things that are happening right now, and everything that will happen in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. But the intelligent among us know all this already. On the plus side, for all the horrible things we are capable of, we also have an amazing ability to step-up and lend whatever help is necessary in times of hardship and sorrow. Human beings do have a truly remarkable capacity to shine in the face of adversity and crisis. 
I hope that there is a Christmas, with all the spirit it represents, in all the alternate worlds, throughout the multiverse. For I would hate to think of any people having to live without the hope that this simple holiday, with all it's complex symbolism, means in the hearts and to the hopes of human kind. 
Peace, my friends. Whatever you are doing today, I hope life seems a little warmer and brighter in the midst of all our trials and tribulations.

The Hunt for Santa Claus

I just got back from an expedition to the North Pole. I've always wanted to find Santa's workshop, and watch the elves as they made the toys for all the world's children. Unfortunately, I never located that magical place. Maybe you really do have to be a child, or at least see with the eyes of a child, to find that magical place. But, at least, I did get enough fresh air to last me a good while. I still haven't shook off the chill, however.
Amazingly enough, Albert managed to take care of Eddie while I was gone. Eddie seemed no worse for wear, but he did act awfully happy to see me. And the place was fairly well trashed. I'm still working on getting it back to relatively normally messy state.
Anyroad, if there is a lesson to be learned from my trip up North, other than it's very cold up there, it's that we have to learn to all be our own small versions of Santa Claus. Not just for ourselves and those close to us, but for all those who need it. And I'm not talking about just material things and money. I personally don't have anything much that I can give. Except what is really important, which is the warmth of heart, the kindness of word and deed, and the sharing of what makes us human, our capacity for love.
So. On this eve of Christmas Eve, I wish you all well, and hope that this holiday season touches your hearts and spirits.

What the Hell?! (Credit Goes to Sabrina)

To paraphrase a quote I have used previously, Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you just might miss it.
So, my battle with my over-active immune system goes on. Today's not too bad, hence I am writing this, among other things.
My Mother got out of surgery a short time ago, and is now in the recovery room. She had to have something put into her head to drain some water that collected there after a head injury. It's a procedure that this particular surgeon does on a regular basis, and no big deal. She will have to remain in the hospital for 2 or 3 days, however. She also had to have her head shaved, which she wasn't particularly thrilled about. At least she'll get to wear some colorful scarves. She says it will be a good excuse to stop dying her hair.
Things are usually not what they appear to be, probably for a couple of reasons. We are conditioned to see the world in a certain way, starting from birth on up. Selective perception. We are taught to think in a rational and linear manner. Seeing the world this way makes it hard to recognize the wonder and magic all around us. It's also not just boring, but spirit killing. Luckily for me over the course of my life, I ran into a few people (and circumstances) that gave me the gift of seeing life in an entirely new and different way. It was a truly marvelous gift. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He (or she) is just not who we thought. One should not be too trusting of all that one has been taught during the course of advancing to adulthood.
Anyroad, with the holidays in full swing, remember that giving always feels better than receiving. If you don't agree, then the meaning of Christmas has passed you by. You have my sympathy.
In wrapping up this short hello, let me just say, today was a good day. Of course, any day you don't wake up dead can't be all bad. I find when I go with the flow, and today it was easy to do that, and don't struggle against the nature of things, it does make for a much more enjoyable day. 
I also believe I may have found someone who can teach me Tai Chi. I look forward to it.
In the meantime, I will press on, as should you. The world is a strange and wondrous place. Look around. Enjoy. Relax. Laugh (as much as possible). Try to spread that laughter around. Smile at least. It can be contagious. Be well.   

Dead Dogs Don't Bark (At Least I Can't Hear Them)

Yeah, Yeah...I'm still here. Although I'm not exactly jumping for joy. Why am I not thrilled to be in the land of the living? Well, actually, a good part of the time, I am happy to still be walking around. The rest of the time, I am doing my best to suffer through it. I know there are many, many people in far worst situations than my own. But I can't argue with my body. It simply doesn't respond the way I would prefer. I know my CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome) won't kill me. At least that's what they tell me. But there are times I wish it would. It's like the old CFIDS joke. After the doctor gives his diagnosis, he says, "The good news is, you are going to live. The bad news is, you are going to live." And there are times it does seem like bad news. But, I am a firm believer in what Sammy "The Bull" Gravano supposedly said, "Every day above ground is a good one."  
Anyroad. This is a bit of a rough patch for me. Also complicated by what my sister tells me is SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I'm not a terribly fun guy at the moment. Albert is avoiding me, which is a bit ironic considering he's the one with the disposition of a bear. After all, he is a bear. Eddie doesn't mind too much, as long as I don't make any loud and startling noises. And of course, as long as he keeps getting his head rubbed.
So. I will keep trying to not get angry, or upset, every time I am physically unable to do the things I want or feel I need to do. I will do my best to accept my physical limitations. But don't expect me to be happy about it. I will, however, do my best to treat myself as well as I can. You should do the same. 
By the way...have you ever heard of anyone seeing the ghost of a dog? Or for that matter, any animal? 
Albert believes animals, and bears in particular, are too intelligent to return in spirit for any reason once they die. That's an interesting perspective.  

The Eating & Shopping Holiday Extravaganza

I've been on quite the exercise regime lately. First, I misplaced my sense of humor. Couldn't find the damn thing anywhere. And I did look everywhere. I spent days backtracking myself to every place I even thought I might have been. I took an ad out in the newspaper, and I put up fliers all over town. I almost accused Albert of stealing it, but luckily for me, I thought better of pursuing that avenue of self destruction and painful death. It hasn't turned up, but I'm still looking.
Next, due to a mysteriously missing turkey, which had disappeared from my sister's freezer, I was called upon to go to New Hampshire to try to hunt said dead bird down. After finding some large, muddy bird tracks in my sister's kitchen, I ended up following the tracks out into the woods behind her house, where I was set upon by a band of about thirty wild turkeys. They chased me through the woods, across a highway (an interesting point: although the cars did nothing more than beep their horns at me, they all came to a stop for the marauding turkeys), and into another wood. Luckily there was a local road running through that particular wood, and I managed to jump on the back of a hay truck. The turkeys pursued the truck for a couple of miles, but finally gave up. The driver was a bit surprised when he finally stopped and I climbed out. He stood there with his mouth open, not saying a word, as I thanked him and walked away. 
As far as the missing turkey goes, I can't prove a thing. It would seem that it was stolen by the gang of raucous wild turkeys. Why, I can't say, and don't even have a good guess. It would appear to be a mystery that might not ever be solved. We did, however, have our Thanksgiving feast. But no turkey. There was ham, sheperd's pie, cranberry sauce, spinach with cheese, wonderful sweet potatoes with marshmallow and other things, and, of course, pie. And, more pie. That would be pumpkin pie, Boston cream pie, blueberry pie, and apple pie. Also, some kind of raspberry crumb pastry. But, no turkey. What the hell would a bunch of wild turkeys do with a 20 lb. frozen turkey. Thinking about it is driving me crazy.
I'm not big on shopping, so I was home most of the day on Black Friday. But they (the news) say that retail says were very good, both in the stores, and online. Today, by the way, is Cyber Monday. You're not allowed to go to the mall, but must stay home and do all your shopping on the internet. Otherwise, you just could end up being labelled a weirdo. You heard it here.
This is a hard time of year for me, actually. It seems I always suffer from a kind of physical depression around this time each year. A general lack of energy, and feeling of doom. Ok. Maybe not exactly a sense of doom. That might be a bit of an exaggeration. But the physical lack of bounding good cheer, seems to lead, or possibly be connected, to a bit of a mental depression. My sister believes I have that disorder, SAD. I don't know what that stands for. I guess I'll have to google it if I really want to know. I'm not sure I care. I do know it has to do with shorter daytime hours, and a lack of sunlight. So my sister wants to buy me one of those lights you wear strapped to your head that shine on your face. She says they do that for people suffering from SAD. On the other hand, my mother wants to know why I still don't have a wife. I told her it's hard to find the time to date these days, never mind looking for a wife. I suppose I could join a dating/matchmaking service. Nah. I'm too busy being chased by gangs of turkeys. Besides, my search for my sense of humor is proving to be a real time consumer. Hmmm....maybe I do need a girlfriend. 
I hope that those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had a truly wonderful holiday. And I do hope that those of you who don't celebrate Thanksgiving, had your own reasons to celebrate life. And I hope you did it justice.
And so, enjoy, and be kind to each other...

Damn Zombies

It used to be you could go weeks, sometimes even months, without seeing a zombie. These days, it seems they're popping up all over the place. I was in the gardening department at Walmart last week, when one of their employees yelled something I didn't catch. When I looked up, the employee, a she, fired a gun (a really big hand gun) in my direction. I figured she was going postal, and I was the first victim. But in fact, she put a bullet very neatly between the eyes of a zombie that had wandered in, and was about sink some really disgusting looking teeth into my shoulder. I felt obligated to buy her a large latte (a somewhat expensive cup of coffee) after that. Who wouldn't?
My neighbor had to call 911 last night because somehow a rogue (rampaging all by its lonesome) zombie got into her apartment, and had her trapped in the closet. I didn't hear a thing until the special Police Zombie Squad arrived. At least it gave her a good story to tell her friends.
I still remember my first zombie. I was 7 years old. She followed me home from school. She had been just a kid herself. Or else she had been a "little person" (the politically correct term for a midget or dwarf). At that point it was a bit difficult to tell for sure. It was lucky I didn't like girls at that age. Not that I would have found her very attractive anyway. Plus, she did smell a bit ripe. I a little scared, but it wasn't even necessary to run. A semi-fast walk was more than sufficient. She almost made it to my house, but while crossing the street she was hit by a fast moving car. The last I saw, she was sort of stuck on (or in) the grill of the speeding vehicle, which as it happens, didn't stop.
Yeah, you never know where one of the newly risen dead will show up next. I guess it's lucky we haven't had a mass rising of dead bodies returning to life. I'm not sure any of us would survive. Of course, we do have a lot of living zombies among us. I see them every day. Driving cars while talking on their cell phones, or putting on make-up. Spewing hate, lies and bullshit on TV and elsewhere (mostly Tea Party Republicans, but there are others). And of course, all those mindless morons who go through life every day, talking, eating, etc., without ever using their brain. They might not even know they have one, for all I know.
So. Zombies. Yeah, they really are a pain in the neck. But what are you going to do? If it wasn't zombies, it would probably be something else. Take vampires, for instance. Boy...I could tell you some truly hair-raising tales about vampires...   

The Importance of Breathing

Those troublesome little details of living that we have to put up with, such as paying bills, taxes, filling out forms, etc., etc., can be very time consuming, and definitely detract from one's cheerful view of the world. But they are all a necessary part of modern life, almost as much as eating, drinking (I'm referring to water, not alcohol), and of course, breathing. 
I am often quite envious of Albert, who pretty much does exactly as he pleases (I'm not going to argue with him), and as all bears do, as far as I know, treats the entire forest as his bathroom. Quite convenient, if you think about it. He also manages to find whatever he needs, like food, in the forest as well. Ok. He does happen to like peanut butter, and occasionally a bowl of cold cereal and soy milk. And keeping honey in the apartment is a very expensive proposition. Doesn't matter where I hide it, he will find it.
Eddie also has as easy a life as I can arrange for him. He doesn't have to do any housekeeping, since I clean up after him. And he gets his food and water provided for him every day. His food isn't all that cheap. He gets a special organic food, Harrison's, that I have shipped from NY, mixed with a more seed based mixture that's not quite as expensive, as well as fresh organic kale, which happens to be the only veggie he's willing to eat regularly. He also likes pasta and rice. But mostly he's scared, or at least leery, of people food. I've tried to get him to try a little boiled egg, as well as oatmeal, but he's not having any. He's not a "spring" cockatiel anymore. He turned 17 years old this past September. But I hope to keep him around for a good while yet. 
As for me, I'm fighting the good fight, and doing my best to remember to breathe. Sleep is a bit more of an issue than usual these days, due to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms, but I'm doing my best to make adjustments. And as always, it seems better to keep on breathing, considering the alternative. 
Anyroad, on this far from glorious and definitely gloomy day, I will now fix myself some lunch, settle myself on the couch where Eddie will be content to join me, and fall into a wonderfully dark book about the end of the world as we hopefully will never experience it. What more could I possibly desire? Hmm...I refuse to speculate.  

  

Damn Bluebird On My Shoulder

There are times I am dragged into the process of living as I grunt and groan, or sometimes kick and scream.
I believe I use my CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome) too easily as an excuse for trying to lay-low, and hide on my couch with Eddie (my little bald-headed cockatiel) and a good book. Thank God I have friends who who help insure that I don't remain a wallflower, and also somewhat regularly need my help, of one kind or another. They do give me perspective, and as the expression goes, keep me honest.
I am not the most cheerful person in the world. (Ask my Mother or my Sister, Cate, if you have any doubts.) But I do know at least a couple of people who always seem to be quite upbeat no matter the circumstances. And I do have to say, it's a pleasure to know them, and to know they are kicking around in the world. The mere thought of them can brighten my day at the bleakest of times.
Anyroad, the struggle goes on. I'd like to say I have great things to accomplish on this sunny (at least at the moment) Saturday. But I'm afraid 'tis cleaning I must do. I am a truly horrendous housekeeper. If there is only one thing I put off to another day on a regular basis, yep, it's the cleaning thing. Oh, well. Time to bite the bullet. 
I do know that for all of us, there are times life seems overwhelming. But as bad as it can get, life is still a great gift, and should always be treated with great respect. Looking at what people are going through around me, and the horrible situations that occur in the world, I know I am incredibly fortunate. And so, it is the least I can do to soldier on, even if I am far from the perfect, and uncomplaining, soldier. I am not always happy with my lot, but as I heard an Australian once say, I wouldn't be dead for dollars. 

Cold Is Purely Relative

How many ways can you say cold. Like hot, cold is a matter of degree. An eccentric ( kind of strange or crazy, but because he's rich we call him eccentric) character in a movie ( Lake Placid), calls a Sheriff (similar to Police Chief) fat. He doesn't say it to be mean or hurtful, but he doesn't care about the Sheriff's feelings. That's kind of cold, but not really freezing. Really cold would be if a woman/man you are attracted to, and want to get to know, pulls a gun and shoots you because you are annoying him/her. Not scaring, or making her/him mad. Simply annoying. That would definitely be Cold. 
Speaking of the temperature, it is snowing here for the first time this Winter. Although, technically Winter won't officially arrive for another six weeks roughly (approximately). And, yup, it's cold out there right now. But as often happens in New England, particularly with the effects of Global Warming, if you don't like the weather, wait a bit. By Monday we are supposed to be in the mid 60's. A taste of Spring.
So finally the damn election is over. My only regret is all the Tea Party members and conservative Republicans haven't been exiled from our shores. I suppose that's cold, but c'est la vie. I do hate to wish those sorry-excuses-for-humans on any other country, but hey, we don't want them here. They are definitely not team players, and have no concept of a healthy and caring community. But like I said, the election's over, and at least we don't have to listen to their hate-filled lies and unbelievable BS (bullshit) anymore. Ok, well, at least not as much. If I had to listen to one more torturous right wing political commercial, I would have graduated from yelling at my TV to physically attacking it. That wouldn't have been a good thing. I was already freaking Eddie out (scaring the hell out of him) with all my yelling and cursing whenever one of the damn commercials came on. Albert took my temporary insanity in stride, but he spend a lot of time "out back".
Anyroad. So ends another presidential election season. Thank God. And luckily Obama won. I really didn't want to start shopping for another country to live in.
So. Sandy (the hurricane) did some serious damage along the coast. New Jersey in particular, but New York and Connecticut as well, among others. There have been (and probably will be) some fundraisers for victims of the storm. And if any one wants to contribute any amount at all, no contribution would be too small, the Red Cross is gladly accepting.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Albert is sleeping under the bed, and Eddie's sleeping in his cage. I don't know whether is was the incessant clicking of the keyboard, or my exciting personality that put them to sleep. But whatever it was, it worked. And so to all, a very good night. May you be not too hot, and not too cold, but just right. Be good to each other, and stay out of trouble.
   

Fear and Confusion are Mighty Tools

I suppose there's a reason for all these polls, but I gotta' tell ya', along with all these political ads, they're gonna' put me into an anger management program. The worst are Linda McMahon's, who is doing her best here in Connecticut to but a seat in the US Senate. And although hers, at least to me, are some of the worst, they're followed by "untruthininess" of almost all the other Republican candidates' ads. It truly sickens me that the game plan for running for office is to buy votes with millions of dollars spent on advertising. And of course, as per usual, there is the lying, and where possible, cheating. Oooo, I really don't like those guys. The fact that Obama is not ahead by 80 points tells me that that these unscrupulous methods are actually working. I simply can't believe that there are so many ignorant fools out there to believe that Romney, McMahon, and all the other 1%er's could do anything that would not end up being a monkey wrench into the American economy, and this country's standing with the rest of the world.
Anyroad. I can't let Albert watch too much TV at the moment. He doesn't care much for humans in general, but he does believe that a number of these Republican despots represent evil. In capital letters. 
Eddie on the other hand could care less what's on TV, unless there's someone whistling, or there are sirens of any kind. Then he feels obligated to join in, and yell his little lungs out. Ah, to be a carefree bird.
I am fairly whipped at the moment. But I had to get in my comments on my "love" for those Republican...well, I guess I'll have to say, people. But the fact that they are human makes me ashamed.
Enough. I actually got some house cleaning done today, miracle of miracles. And went to a meeting amongst us lowly English tutors, which was at least somewhat productive, and definitely a bit more than somewhat entertaining. And in the process I ran into some good friends of mine whom I have had the privilege of tutoring upon occasion, but more importantly, I have had the good fortune to share many conversations with. I have found that having a good solid social connection to the world, at least for me, makes life so much more worth living. And, sharing in my ESOL friends lives, is the best part of my life. It just might be the best thing I have ever done.
A last note. Wherever you be, this country or any other, never take your freedom, and/or your democracy for granted. Be involved. Ask questions, lots of questions. Don't believe anything you hear or read without facts to back it up. And please. Don't pay attention to polls. You need to do your part. Here, in the US, that means you need to vote if you at all possible. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.
That being said. Look out for each other.   
  

Hey, Brother...Where you at?

Was a time in New Orleans that the every day greeting was, Where you at? Like saying How you doin'? or What's going on? I like that. Where you at? 
I often think of my brother Jeff when I wake in the middle of the night. He died quite unexpectedly back in January of 2005. We spent a good amount of time together in the years before his death. He was a man worth knowing, and quite a character. It seems natural to think about him when I have trouble sleeping, because he spent many nights awake, banging on his computer. Well, I'm not sure banging is the right word. He did more of a hunt'n'peck (two finger typing) He suffered from peripheral neuropathy (I think I spelled that right), and was in pretty much constant pain. But he did have a damn high pain tolerance, and he rarely complained. But, yeah, he had a lot of sleepless nights. 
So, I try not to lay in bed and curse the world when I have trouble remaining asleep. I get up and make a cup of tea in one of the two large tea cups that use to belong him, but I possess now. I think about where he's at out in the universe at large, and the noise he might be making. He always was one to walk and talk like he was the soft spoken child of Thunder, itself. I do miss that big fella'. Sleep well, Brotha'. Be seeing ya' in awhile. Still got a few things to do down here. But I expect I'll be along shortly. 

Wipe Out (A Surfing Term)

It was a fairly good week, considering all I accomplished. At least, for me. The only glitch was missing my Mandarin class this morning. It seems my somewhat strenuous end of the week took a toll on me. After a sleepless hour or so in the middle of the night, I ended up sleeping long past dawn. I'm sure I needed the sleep. I am, however, as sometimes happens after catching up on much needed zzz's, moving like molasses. Both physically, and mentally. But, no worries. Other than the Mandarin class I missed, my only other scheduled event will be to go walking later this afternoon with Mom, which will be good for both of us since I didn't get in any exercise this morning. And lo and behold, the sun is out. It's turning into a spectacular day. Yeehhaa, as the cowboys (of one kind or another) might say.
And so, until then, I will hang out with Eddie, read the paper (newspaper), watch a little TV, and maybe try to finish a book: Rise Again by Ben Tripp. A quite excellent apocalyptic zombie tale. As the drunk in the bar, from the movie The Birds, said so well, 'It's the end of the world!' Of course, he did it in an Irish accent of sorts. 
Albert's not big on halloween, although he does like horror movies of almost every type. I think he just enjoys seeing humans getting killed in all kinds of ways. Don't get the wrong idea about Albert. He doesn't really care for humans very much, but he is a very easy going fella' for a bear. I've grown quite fond of him. Seems kind of odd, but there it is.
Whatever you be doing today, I hope it gives you some enjoyment. Be kind to each other. At least don't be unkind to each other. You can do it.

Jogging in the Rain

Not quite as 'catchy' as Singing in the Rain, but an interesting experience anyway. I woke much earlier than I planned on, and although some days I would have been more than happy to lay in bed for a couple of hours, I started to go stir crazy after about ten minutes. And so, jogging in the rain came about. Eddie put up with the noise of my preparations with barely a sound. Albert, however, who was doing his best to sleep (under my bed, as usual), made a number of bearish grunts and snorts. Of course, I gladly put up with his routine complaints, because where else would I find the perfect bodyguard. He told me someone tried to break in a couple of nights ago with the intention of doing me bodily harm (he thinks), but he met the evildoer at the door. As he tells it, the bad human will not be coming back. Ever. I did not ask for the details.
Anyroad, I seem to be quite busy at the moment, what with fighting off the unmarried Chinese women who want to find an American boyfriend, the married Chinese women who are trying to fix me up with their unmarried relatives, my tutoring English to all the above as well as others of varying nationalities, and my attempts at learning Mandarin in case I find a Chinese woman who has some knowledge of marshall arts (or the dark arts, for that matter) who could add to my defense against those not so random attacks on my life. Then, of course, I would have to marry her. Who wouldn't.
So, life continues to move. Forward we always hope. But more often in a some weird approximation of a circle...
Well, my time's up for the moment. So my advice to you, is get a firm grip on your horse, and ride like hell...  

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Oi (Hey, or yo in Cockney). Things be happening. In politics, Obama woke up for the second Presidential debate. It was good to see. The Mittster went on lying, or at the least, misrepresenting the truth every time his lips moved. Linda McMahon continues to repulse me; I cannot bear to watch her commercials. Eddie doesn't like me to watch her commercials either due to the foul language that issues from my mouth when they're on (the TV). It will all be over soon, and I can only hope the good guys win. If you don't know who the good guys are, you're probably a Republican. 
I've been battling my chronic fatigue syndrome a bit more than usual lately, but today ain't a bad day, so to speak. And I'm happy to be here. No recent overt attempts on my life, but I have a feeling of being watched quite often. Probably going to have to pay a visit to Little Valley one of these days, although I am not in any particular hurry.

Albert is back from his wanderings. He even participated in a gathering of bears out in Colorado, where he took advantage of some outdoor facilities. In case the people who provided his makeshift bathtub read this, he would like to express his appreciation. He's not really a big fan of 98% of human behavior, but he did say that most humans seem to have good hygiene. 
Anyroad, gotta' put in some time reviewing Mandarin. I've been rather lax of late. In the words of Lou Costello (famous comedian along with his partner Bud Abbott), 'I've been a baaaad boy.' Assuming I'm not hit by a bus anytime soon, I'll talk atch'ya' (at you) later. Be nice to yourself, and others, of course. 

James Dean Was A Friend of Mine

I have to say, I believe life is a great gift. But that more than suggests that we are responsible for doing something worthwhile with it. Of course, one person's definition of worthwhile might be another's person's definition of a complete waste. Or, in the case of the actions of those hypocrites calling themselves Republicans, crimes against humanity would be more fitting.  
All my life there have been those who consider themselves authority figures, who have expected me to live the sort of life, and follow the rules, that they believe were appropriate. And a lot of that time, not as often as I would have liked, or as forceful as I felt I should have been, I have symbolically if not literally stuck out my tongue and gave 'em a raspberry. Ppffftt. Symbolically, of course. There are many people it seems, who feel it is their obligation to tell everyone else exactly how they should, and must, live their lives. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that makes me angrier. Ooo, I get so mad, the air temperature around me forms storm clouds, flames shoot out of my ears and nose, people run when they see my face, children start crying uncontrollably...well, you get the idea. It's why I had to leave Little Valley. Those behind that very strange  town believe I was, and am, a threat to their existence. But that's a long story. Let's just say they would like my existence terminated, one way or another.
Although the last attempt on my life I actually thought was the Tea Party. I don't think they like me, either. Or my kind. My kind being, those who stand against everything the Tea Party stands for. They Make Me Soooo Maaddd... flames, yes, flames rise off my face...sorry. Guess I already went into that.
Anyroad. I suppose I was always a rebel at heart. To bring up a famous dialogue, 
"What are you rebelling against?"
"What have ya' got?"  

What the Hell?!

Human beings are always amazing me. We are the dumbest smart creatures on the planet (to paraphrase a line from the movie I, Robot). And even though some of the incredibly idiotic things that humans do, do amaze me, they don't really surprise me. It must be the cynical part of me that simply expects that behavior. After all, regardless of what the far right creationists try to blindly believe, we do come from monkeys, and in many cases, it seems we haven't come all that far. Just look at the world of politics. We have the Stalinists, oops! I mean the Republican Party, spending massive amounts of money, obfuscating, lying, doing their best to convince the voting public they will make everything better, but without saying anything about how they will do it. A million ways to say nothing. It reminds of a line from the movie Aliens, when Ripley (the heroine) is comparing humans to the alien monsters, and she says, "You don't see them selling each other out for a buck (dollar)." Good old human greed. 
And as for the rest of us, well, a lot of us seem to just want our lives to go on the way they are. We don't want our boat to get rocked. At least until the world ends, which it seems many people believe will be in their lifetime. Unless of course you're one of the 47%. The poor, elderly, and disabled, who the Klu Klux Kl-oops!- Sorry, I mean the Republicans, want to end any government aid for. As they say on South Park, the Bastards! 
Anyroad. I don't know about how things will be for children born in the future, but these are interesting times indeed. I'm not sure Albert (My sometime black bear roommate) is right about leaving the bears in charge, but even letting the monkeys run things, as far as I can tell, would be no worse than the job we're doing. Sad to say.

Balancing Amongst the Multiverse

All things are connected. Ask the Doctor. (No. Not your Doctor.) Everything affects everything else. Believe what you want, but it's true. The seemingly most meaningless of lives has an effect on many other lives. Remove that one insignificant life from ever having existed, and the world itself changes. All things are connected. I don't really have to argue the point with you, do I? I'd hate to think you were that thick.
My life was saved and changed once by a cockatiel. When I was incapacitated, and simply wanted to end my life, this little feathered angel, Harry, fell out of the sky, and into my life. He had an impact not just on my life, but on those I have come into contact with since. He is the reason my current cockatiel companion, Eddie, is alive today. A few months after Harry's death, I saw an article in the newspaper, and rescued Eddie from a Humane Society shelter. I can't swear he would have died, but I don't believe he was far from it. But I would not have even noticed the article in the paper if Harry had never come into my life.
That might seem like a tiny, So what? kind of thing. But if it wasn't for Harry, I do believe I would not be here. And so, for me, it weren't no small thing. And hopefully, for all those I have had the privilege of having any meaningful contact with, it's a bit more than just an insignificant occurrence in time.
Anyway, as I said, all things are connected. And that includes more than what we see, and what we can possibly understand. There's more than just the world in front of us, you know. Didn't anyone ever explain that to you? Where have you been?
  

Walking Between Worlds

Sleep once again has eluded me. So basically, I'm on auto-pilot. That's where I'm at currently. As far as any other news, there really isn't much to talk about. 
I went to a fantastic barbecue in the park last week. Even though the sky was spitting a bit of rain, and we had to protect the grills with umbrellas once or twice, it was a beautiful day. It might seem strange to say that, since it was cloudy, windy and a bit wet. But whether it was just being in the park barbecuing under some tall green trees, or the good company I got to share it all with, or both, well, let's just say everyone had a wonderful time. 
Albert is quite upset with the state of human affairs regarding the inhumane treatment of his brethren. Someone put a video of what he claimed was a bear charging him, although he was behind a closed window. Albert believes the bear was just trying to scare the man out of the house, so the bear could move in. The next thing we heard is that humans are now talking about starting up some bear hunts. And that was after they killed the bear that was in the video. Yeah, the bears are pissed. Albert says they are thinking of running off with all the human children, and raising them in the wild in a humane manner, as well as teaching them to treat the planet in a friendly way, since humans don't seem capable of doing either. He's off somewhere at the moment.
Ah, and then there's the US political scene. It does appear that at least some Americans are waking up to the  toxic mess that is the Republican Party. But I don't want to get too hopeful. Being a long time Red Sox fan, I get nervous when things are going well. The Red Sox are a Boston baseball team that's notorious for doing very well through a a good part of the baseball season, and then falling apart towards the end, leaving their fans saying, There's always next year.
Anyroad, Summer is over, and the Fall is here. Fall is one of my two favorite seasons, Spring being the other. Fall is the door that leads to Winter. And I don't really mind Winter. Seriously. Life would not be the same without it. But it is the transition from Summer to Winter that I truly enjoy. Autumn. And it does bring on one of my favorite of holidays, Halloween. Which incredibly enough, comes in one of my favorite months, October. Possibly because that is one time of year when it is much easier to see those usually hidden doors and paths that lead to elsewhere. But you should always be careful about opening those doors, or wandering down those paths. There are sometimes good reasons why things are hidden, and not easy to find. 
I just read a wonderful book by John Langan titled, House Of Windows. It's not a quick read, and not the easiest of books to work through. But it was definitely worth the time it took. It always is for a good story. A story of family relationships (particularly between father and son), a ghost story, as well as a very unusual haunted house tale. I did live in a haunted house once, but nothing like this one, even though it is fiction. Yes, I suppose I would have call it a horror story, but definitely a very literate one. Needless to say, I loved it.
So, Eddie needs some more attention, and I need to steam some vegetables and cook some pasta. Remember to be nice to each other. And PLEASE, treat the bears, and all animals, including your pets, as well as you would want them to treat you if the positions were reversed. 

Real Monsters Are Not Always Easy To See

Any good horror story will tell you that the real monsters loose in the world are almost always human. Look at Night of the Living Dead, or TV's Walking Dead, for example. Now. Look at what's happening in the real world. Examples of would-be monsters: Linda M. in Connecticut, running for Senator. The super rich attempting to get into government any way she can (by lying and cheating mostly). She's willing to buy the election by spending millions on campaign advertising. She represents the 1% (the very rich), and the worst side of them at that. Then there's our friend Mitt. This guy tied his dog to the roof of the family car when they drove to Canada on vacation. In my book, that earns him a one-way ticket to hell. And then, while an American embassy in the Middle East issues a statement meant to calm violent protesters, he denounces the statement, while people are dying. All for political gain. But close to the top of the list of monsters loose in the world, is Terry Jones, that representative of evil who pawns himself off as some kind of pastor. An ugly man with an ugly soul. He is one of the hate mongers behind the video meant to incite the hate and violence against and among Muslims, by attacking the Prophet Mohammed, of their religion. Good job, scum-bag. You managed to get some good people, who were accomplishing real good in the world, killed. Bravo.
Sorry. I know. I'm ranting a bit. But it doesn't make it any less true.
So. The rest of us have to try a little bit harder to make up for all the rotten shit that all the monsters, and wanna-be monsters, are managing to do. And, when possible, we need to put an end to the ability of those human blood-suckers (and destroyers of the human spirit) to do harm. But no violence please. There's enough of that in the world as it is. There are other ways. Do what you can. My heart is with you.

A Visit to Little Valley

Albert, my sometimes roommate, who also happens to be a bear, and I, swap stories upon occasion. He has some doosies. Recently I told him a story of Little Valley, the place where I grew up. It's essentially the same story I had told to another friend of mine back in college, while we were trying to hitch (hitch-hike) our way back to our college campus. The difference between the two tellings is that my college friend, Jim, and our evening in the Valley, was now included in the story that I related to Albert.
Alan, another college friend, along with Jim and I, had a number of adventures in my early college years. We went on quite a number of little roadtrips, although very few ended up being overnighters. Usually we travelled in my old (1962, if I remember correctly), but still running VW bug, or it's eventual replacement, a completely unreliable SAAB. 
Anyroad, on this particular night, whatever car I owned at the time was not running, and I'm not sure where Alan was at the time, but it was just Jim and I. I don't remember how we got to my Mother's house, but it was a common destination when we wanted to run away from studying, particularly when we were hungry. My Mother's snickerdoodles (cookies) were famous among my friends.
On the evening when this story unfolds, we left my Mother's house around the Witching Hour (midnight). We did catch a ride for the first couple of miles, to the other side of downtown. Little Valley is rather a tiny town, and most of that distance was from my Mother's house to the center of town. Our luck went bad after that first ride, however, and we ended up walking all the way out of the town limits (borders). 
After passing the last house, and street light in the residential section of town, there are a couple of miles of dark and lonely road. Very few residents of Little Valley ever leave town, unless absolutely necessary, so we didn't see any headlights as we hiked along. Jim made a comment about the spookiness of the setting we were in, and I told him he didn't know the half of it. And then I told him about the Gladue brothers, Joe and Steve. 
No one knows where they came from, but there had been Gladues living in thier big, gloomy house for as long as anyone could remember. The house itself was a rambling and run-down place out in the middle of nowhere. It was the only house on Under The Mountain Road, and it was set back in the woods. Under The Mountain Road was a popular place for the young and wild, or those who wanted to seem like they were wild. At least, those who had their drivers licenses, or a friend who did. If you wanted to make out (fool around: mostly kissing, but other things will happen), or drink some beer, maybe smoke a little reefer (marijuana), then Under The Mountain was the place to go. At least until kids started getting scared by strange noises and sights. 
There were the sounds of something large crashing through the woods on several occasions. Someone claimed they saw a bear, but the howls that were heard by more than a few people sounded nothing like a bear. If anything, they sounded like some kind of large wolf, possibly on steroids. All this took place over the course of one summer. That fall, two girls disappeared. They had driven out to Under The Mountain to meet some friends, including the boyfriend of one of them. They never met up with their friends. Finally convinced by the boyfriend, and the parents of both girls, the town Sheriff and his only deputy, drove out there the following morning. They found the car, with both doors open, blood on the seat and steering wheel, but no sign of the girls. 
That night, the boyfriend convinced some of his friends, with the help of some dutch courage (liquor), to go calling on the Gladues, who had a bit of a bad reputation. At least according to Town gossip. So, Tim McDonald (the boyfriend), and five of his friends, against the advice of everyone else they talked to, went back to Under The Mountain Road to pay a visit to the two brothers. No one saw the six of them alive again.
With another dozen parents on the Sheriff's back, he felt obligated to go look for the additional six missing youths, and to have a word with the Gladue boys. And being of some small intelligence, even though he was quite the spooky guy himself (but that's another story), he gathered some twelve or fifteen guys, armed and deputized them, and headed off in a caravan of cars. 
So, this is how I heard it. They did find the car the six hotheads had gone out there in the night before, but there was not a sign of the six. When the Sheriff, and his not so merry band of men, arrived at the Gladues' haunted version of a residence, they did not get a response after banging on the door and hollerin' the Gladues' names. They told people later, that when they busted the door in, the smell almost knocked them over. The inside of the house was one big, disusting mess. They found no one on the first floor, but when three of them went upstairs, they ran into Joe, who was hiding in a back bedroom with a 12 gauge shotgun. He opened up (fired) at the three deputized men, and killed one of them. The other two emptied their guns at Joe, and killed him in turn. Some of the men who went out there, later said that Joe didn't look normal. They said something about his jaw being a little too long. And his eyes seemed set back in his head too far. There was also some mention of his having hair in places he shouldn't.
The last place they searched was the basement. None of them wanted to talk about what they found down there. But one of 'em was heard to mutter it was like horribly messy, and completely unsanitary, butcher shop. But what was being butchered wasn't what you would expect to find at your normal deli counter. Oh, yeah. It was mentioned that they did find some meat stuck in the teeth of Joe Gladue. It was human. 
As for Steve Gladue, they never found him. Kids still go out to Under The Mountain Road, but not often, and usually only on a dare. And yeah, every once in a while someone else goes missing. But no matter how long anyone searches, they don't turn up.
So anyway, it took me most of that dark stretch of road to tell that story to Jim, who actually looked kind of anxious to be past it, even before I was finished. Between us, Jim and I that is, we just call it a ghost story. I think he was happy to think of it in those terms. Gave him a bit of peace of mind. But after that, whenever we spoke of going to my Mom's place, he always had to check to make sure we wouldn't be doing any walking. Especially, in the dark of night.   
Albert, on the other hand, had no trouble believing the story. But then he has had some experience with the strangeness of Little Valley, as well as some truly bizarre experiences of his own. Like I said, he has some rip-roaring tales. But I believe those would be for some other time.
          

The Deluge

A quick word. I have to get back up on the roof in case someone sends a helicopter rescue team. The remains of tropical storm "something'r'other" is shedding all kinds of torrential water all over us. If I'm going to make it to the Library, I'm going to need some scuba gear. Yikes! A lightning strike just blew up one of my neighbors' cars. It's ok. I didn't like him anyway. Gotta' run. Well, ok, gotta' swim...paddle...put on a life-vest...or something. I'll have to get back to you...  

Calling the Doctor!

It seems the world is trying to drop a house on my head, just like it happened to the Wicked Witch of the East. No, I'm not a witch, but it actually might be useful if I was. Yes, it is possible I'm just feeling paranoid, but as they say, just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me. 

Let's sum up my early morning: I was almost hit by a car, twice, and then attacked with a knife. First, on my jog down to the field where I do most of my joint pounding cardiovascular torture, I almost get hit by a car. Now you might think that's a purely random bad driver on the loose, but that would be very difficult for me to accept. Mainly because I was running against traffic, and the car that almost (tried to) hit me had to completely cross the opposite lane of traffic to try to hit me from behind. And it would have run me down if I had not glanced over my shoulder at the last second, and then jumped over a guard rail. Well, more like dived over. The car itself didn't slow down in the least. Next, on my way back from the little football field, a pick-up truck with oversized tires swerved right at me, but I don't think he was seriously trying to hit me, just scare me. So it was easy to simply sidestep off the road. However, I must have blocked his view of the strange little man on the bicycle, that even I didn't know had come almost right up on me. Boom. Little man down with blood everywhere. The truck kept going, the driver probably panicking. When I went over to see how badly the man was injured, he gave me a bloody smile, and then tried to stab me with a particularly nasty looking knife. I bolted up the street to a service station, and convinced the proprietor to call 911. But when I went back, the strange little man, as well as his bicycle, was gone. I didn't wait for the police to arrive. They probably would have taken me for a psych evaluation.

Anyroad, that was my exercise session for the day. Now if I could only get a hold of Dr. Who, and find out how I could get a tardis. I really must have one. (If you don't know what a tardis is, you can google it. Wikipedia will explain all. Sheeze. You can't keep anything secret these days.)      

"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio..."

And who said the world isn't a strange place...
I haven't seen it, yet, but I hear tell that Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) put a bullet in the brain of the Republican Convention. The way I hear it, he was speaking and acting in a somewhat disjointed, vulgar, and disrespectful manner. There are two different views I have heard expressed on this live, surreal display by someone I believed to be a remarkable actor, as well as an incredible director, in the motion picture industry. The first view, which would be the most damaging to him personally, is that he is suffering from some possibly mild, but definite form of dementia, or he truly is a horrible person. Although, in a much more forthright approach, he is expressing exactly the same amount of respect and consideration that the entire Republican Convention is showing to President Obama. Which brings me to the second view: that Mr. Eastwood performed the strange impromptu bit of stage acting on purpose, in order to bring discredit upon the Convention itself, and show up the Republicans for who they truly are in a more direct manner. 
Well, not having seen it, I can't really give an opinion. I can only say, I really hope he wasn't expressing his own sentiments, because I do have a lot of respect for the man, at least up to this point. And that's all I can say about that. 
Moving on in this strange and wonderous world...
You know, I've been a batchelor, and living by myself for a long time. I haven't even really dated anyone seriously, or for that matter dated seriously period, for a helluva long time. There are a number of reasons for this. One being, not having met the right person. Another being, that I am quite comfortable living by myself, and yes, it is safer. 
But a considerably younger woman (30 yrs. old), not that the age matters (OK, it shouldn't matter; but to one degree or another, it does to some of us), has me thinking it might be time to really let the monkey throw a wrench ( yeah, I'm sure you get it, monkey-wrench) into my life. I am very set in my solitary lifestyle. I do have my good friends, Eddie, and Albert. And, of course, my many other friends that I see upon occasion. They, however, are all platonic friends, and just about entirely all married. And none of them require much of my time, or that I make any big adjustments in how I live. Yep, safe, and comfortable.
Now, I'm not saying I will spend time with this particular woman, or even get to know her any better than I do right now. But she makes me want to expand my life beyond just looking out for myself. Remarkably, she does have that effect on me. And just recently, I have begun to realize what a big change that would be. Yes,  I have been thinking about the fantastic (not fantastic in the sense of wonderful, although it very well could be, but in the sense of:  unbelievable) possibility of sharing my life with another person. Think of the Big Bang, but think of it in terms of your world view expanding in an explosive manner. I can't really stress enough the impact upon my view of the world.
As I've said before, reality is all in your perception, which is most assuredly influenced by your perspective. Change your perspective radically, and well, the world seems to be an entirely different place.
Anyroad. For the moment, I have nothing else to say about that...or anything else...but Dr. Who is in his tardis, and all is right with the world... 

Looking for a Fortress of Solitude

I can always tell I'm reaching the close to exhausted stage by the sudden craving for sugar. I've given up most of my unhealthy sweet treats. Things like cake, ice cream, milk chocolate, frosting (yep, just frosting out of a can), m&m's (peanut, of course), etc., etc. But when my energy level hits its dregs (bottom of the barrel), well, my sugar jones (addiction) hits with a considerable impact. Yes, I am whining about being tired. Thursday nights I like to try to get to an informal Mandarin class at another Mandarin student's house, but I haven't made it in quite a bit of time. Either I have too much I have yet to get done, or the wind has gone out of my sails, which is the case this evening. I am quite the party pooper. C'est la vie. 
Of course, Eddie is always happy to have me home, as I'm sure my seven wives would be. If I had seven wives. And I always have a book to read. Many, many books, actually. I also have no trouble telling the world to go away on an evening like this. It's good to relax and regroup when needed, which is more often than I would like, but sometimes it is much easier to go with the river current , than to fight your way upstream.
So, the update goes like this: Albert is still out in the world somewhere, but I expect I'll see him soon. Those nasty, smelly Republicans are still down in Tampa, pulling every dirty trick they can think of, to make President Obama look bad. There currently haven't been any more attempts on doing bodily injury to my person, but as they say, I am watching my back. 
The world can appear as a dark and dangerous place. But we must not forget, it is also a wonderful place. And there is no better time to be alive than now. Trust me on this. Squeeze out all the enjoyment and wonder you can. And there is lots of wonder, of all kinds, to be had. I'm sorry there has to be so much darkness in the world. But I do like a bit of darkness in my world. To paraphrase the title of a ghostly anthology I happen to like, I am "Acquainted With The Night".  

The Dark & The Light

The world keeps on spinning, life plunges on, and we do what we do. The Human being tends to be the only animal that thinks, sometimes overly so, before acting. Animals always know what to do by instinct. The human must consider things before deciding to move forward, stand still, or move backward. Or, to put it a different way, the three F's. Fight, Freeze, or Flee. 
We are capable of creating our own reality, be it for the good of all, or for our own selfish purposes. There are always those who are telling us what we can, and what we can't do. I have always had trouble with those who believe they are the authority on what can and can't be done. I believe we can do anything if we want to bad enough. But, anything, could be good, Light if you will, or bad, Dark. "Don't go to the Darkside, Luke."
Of course, we don't have to do anything. We can lay on the couch watching TV and eating ice cream. Which, I think we all need to do occasionally. But it does leaves a lot to be desired as a lifestyle. Now, I'm not much of a revolutionary, since I don't believe violence solves anything, but in point of fact, generally makes things much worse. So, I must channel my anger into non-violent, and yet, productive outlets of expression. Which can take certain amount of thought, and creativity. Not quite as easy to do as I'd prefer. We live in an age of violence. Which is maybe how it's always been, since man first gained intelligence, of a sort. And in our culture, the gun rules. We prize winning at any price. This is the age of not only making sure you get yours, but also making sure that they, don't get their's. Fill in whoever you don't like for they. Ah. Remember Robert Duvall's line from Apocalypse Now? "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It reminds me of victory." 
We haven't come very far since the dawn of Man. At least in a truly spiritual sense. I would hate to have to bet on whether we are headed for the Light, or the Dark. And no. I am not talking about the next world. I'm talking about this one. 

We All Live On This Planet, So Give Me Some Elbow Room

Well, life seems to be happening still, at least for the moment. Lots of things going on, including the Klu Klux Klan Con -oops!- I mean the Republican Convention in Tampa, Florida. There's also a hurricane in that neighborhood, but unfortunately, it won't be whisking all those horrible excuses for human beings over the rainbow. Although I'd settle for anywhere far from our shores. You know, with all the lying, cheating, and stealing of democracy, mainly in the form of attempts at preventing many Americans from exercising their voting rights, these rich and almost exclusively white, fat cats have crossed the line, and become traitors to the principals this country was founded on. As far as I'm concerned, they are traitors to democracy, and should all be prosecuted for treason. Their current strategy seems to be coupling all their usual tactics together, which would be turning the truth around, or spinning the truth if you prefer, outright lying, and spending billions of dollars on political ads. I really hate those people. My Grandmother, if she were alive, would tell me it's wrong to hate anyone, so for her, I'll just say, I really don't like those damn #%^*...well, you get the idea. 
And, once again, to quote a famous fictional character, that's all I have to say about that.
Albert is doing some travelling at the moment. He's trying to unite some of his brothers of the fur (bears of all colors) in his battle against the destruction of the planet by the rich and corrupt humans. Can't say I blame him in the least. Lucky for me he's made me an honorary bear, of sorts. He can be a bit scary when he's upset. Anyroad, he doesn't feel he can be away for too long, since he believes my life is in danger, and he has decided to be a kind of unofficial bodyguard. I'm twice lucky, since he seems to like me. At least for a human. 
Hmmm. What else is going on...not much I can think of at the moment. 
Finished reading Michael Cisco's The San Veneficio Canon. Yikes. Don't even know what to say there. His language creates amazing images, and I can't even begin to say how incredibly strange the atmosphere of his story is from beginning to end. And that's not even mentioning the weirdness of the story itself. I still am not completely sure about how I feel about the book, which includes two novels, his award winning The Divinity Student, and its sequel, The Golem. I am quite impressed. And I can tell you this, I will not be forgetting the characters, or the story, anytime soon.  
Moving on...A barbecue that some of my Chinese friends, and English learners, had planned for today was cancelled, due to potential bad weather. A shame, but I'm sure we'll reschedule it, or something like it, for another time. 
Final thoughts for the day. The world, is a lot larger than we can possibly conceive of at any given time. But the most important part of the world, is what is right in front of us, and all those we share it with. We do need to look out for each other, regardless of our differences. So, be kind, stand fast when needed, and remember, corporations are not people. But animals are. Or at the least, they deserve our protection. Eddie made me put that in. He is right, though. I have met far fewer animals than people that I didn't like. But, after all, I am only human, and I am very far from perfect.

I Might Wish I was a Dragon, But Eddie's Glad I'm Not

The way life appears to us really depends on the moment. Our perspective influences our perception, and how we are feeling has everything to do with our perspective. Imagine you are pure spirit, detached from the flesh, and with the ability to see all of reality. Not just the world as our poor human senses perceive it, but as it truly is. Can you imagine that? Of course not. We aren't pure spirit, but stuck within this physical body of flesh and blood. Well. I suppose if you are some kind of transcendent zen master, it might be possible to stand outside your body, and be at the center of things. Just a thought.
Some days when I awake, I feel neutral. After I've gone out and tortured myself by jogging, I start to actually feel like life isn't such a bad thing. Other days, I awake under a dark cloud. These are days that I wish I could take a sledgehammer to the workings of the world. I don't, however. I believe negativity breeds negativity. The same being true for violence. But that doesn't stop me from having days when I wish I were capable of being violent. Not randomly, of course. Against enemies of Humanity. You know, like tyrants, dictators. And yes, the Republican Party. Luckily, my Mother raised me to have great respect for life, even when that life seems pointless and destructive. 
But there are days when I awake feeling like I am the dark cloud, instead of having one over me. Or, if you will, the Dragon in me rises to the surface. It's appropriate. I was born in the year of the Dragon. The trick for me, is to channel my anger at the petty, destructive, ignorant, greedy, and selfish actions of the unenlightened, into constructive and productive actions of my own. Isn't that what an ancient, and exceedingly wise Dragon would do? (Ok, I am not only not ancient, but I can't really claim to be all that wise, either). Emotions, like anger, can cloud our minds. Well, my mind at least. We are (OK, I am, anyway), only human, and as human, we will not be able to divorce ourselves from our emotions. But we can choose to see the world in a wider perspective, and channel our emotions into worthwhile actions. 
Albert, meanwhile, tells me I'm full of sh--. According to what I can make of his bearish language, he says there's only life. You're either eating dinner, or you are dinner. And if you're eating dinner, you better enjoy it. 'Cause something will be eating you soon enough. He's a cheerful guy. 
Have a good dinner. 
  

Barbecued English, and Some Translation from Bear

Language is a living thing, and it is always "evolving". Expressions, greetings, and even curse words/phrases, change in everyday use, and somewhat regularly. From What's Up (or wassup, if you prefer), to the Where you at? of New Orleans, How are you?, How you?, Howdy?, and of vourse the infamous New York, How you doing? As well as all the simplified greetings: Dude, Yo, Hey, etc. 
English is not a simple language, and definitely not an easy language to learn, particularly on the run. Most of us Americans don't really put much effort into our pronunciation, or into making an attempt to speak slowly. It's gotta' be hell for someone trying to learn English. In trying to tutor English, or in my case, simply trying to make it easier to learn English within an open conversation group, not only have I personally learned more about the language I speak, but I now find it much easier to understand bad English, broken English, and even some very badly pronounced English. I also find, that even when talking to native English speakers, I now do a lot of talking with my hands. Seems I can't help myself. But even at it's most trying, I love leading the conversation groups for ESOL learners. I enjoy myself so much, that I should probably pay them for allowing me to be there.
Plus ( a bonus), if the hurricane that's supposed to hit Florida Sunday, doesn't arrive here on Tuesday, my wonderful international friends are organizing a big barbecue in a local park. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. I feel quite blessed, as well as lucky, to know these wonderful people.
And now, before I hunt down some lunch, a word from Albert, my large black bear friend. From what I gather, he did his best to track the person/thing/evil-monster-that-looks-like-me, after he bit his hand off. Which by the way, saved my life, in case you haven't been keeping up with current events. Anyroad, from his description of the track he followed, and where he lost all trace of it, I gathered that my double came from, and went back to, Little Valley, my hometown. Albert could not penetrate the barrier, or spell (if you don't mind my calling it that), that makes it very difficult for anyone, except those who have always resided there, to enter its boundaries. And so, it would seem that someone (maybe more than one someone), or something back in Little Valley wishes me harm. Seems I may have to watch my back while I try to find some answers.
Well, for now, I plan on relaxing for the remainder of the day. After fixing some lunch, I shall, hopefully, have time to read a book, and give Eddie a head-rub or two. And barring any assassination attempts, maybe I'll get a decent night's sleep. Happy trails...

Being Enlightened is a Good Thing. So there, You Bunch of Stupids!

Anyhow, getting back to the way I feel about Dr. Who...I just finished reading a collection of stories by Howard Waldrop, titled "Howard Who?" It was first published in 1986, and recently released in a beautiful paperback edition by Small Beer Press. Waldrop is a national treasure. He writes mostly science fiction in the form of alternate history, but like no one else ever has, or could. Absolutely wonderful stuff. Anyway, one of my two favorite stories in the collection is called "Man-Mountain Gentian", which is a story about a sumo wrestler in a future where the sport has become a mental exercise with the help of electrical energy. But its mainly about two sumo wrestlers, and the build up to their big match, with both their careers on the line. It is an extremely wonderfully written story. But for me, the best part was the ending. The match is over. (Spoiler warning!) Man-Mountain has taken his wife out to dinner to celebrate. They have gone back home, climbed onto their futons, and turned on the TV. And the story ends with the line, "Gilligan is on his island. All is right with the world." I love that line. I laughed out loud. If, however, you never heard of Gilligan's Island, an old TV show, well...you might not get it. Anyroad, that's a bit how I feel about Dr. Who.
When I was walking with Mom a little earlier, I saw two Muslim women, who were walking as well. I didn't really think about my typical, neutral behavior at the time, but I did afterwards. My Mother is very friendly to everyone. I am not, particularly. It's not that I'm unfriendly. I'm just kind of neutral towards everyone, meaning, I just don't pay a lot of attention, and tend to mind my own business. But later I realized, that for those people who probably get a lot of negative attention, I do need to try to give some positive attention towards. Just a smile, or hello. It seems like the enlightened thing to do. There are a lot of very unenlightened people out there, that the rest of us have to make up for. Better to be adding positive energy to the world, than negative energy. 'Cause let's face it, we are either doing one or the other.
So, time to put some rice & vegies together. I just got back from walking with Mom, Eddie's (my cockatiel) done yelling at me for the moment, and I need to start reading "The San Veneficio Canon" by Michael Cisco. For now, I can only advise you, if you haven't already done so already, find the place where, for you, all is right with the world. And then, Stand Fast.

Dr. Who's on First. Who's on First? No, Dr. Who...

I have been a fan of Dr. Who since the first time I saw an old episode on PBS (public television) over twenty years ago. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, Dr. Who is a long running science fiction series that has been around for a very long time. Dr. Who, is the last Time Lord (his entire home planet , and the race of Time Lords, were wiped out in a war that took place at some long ago time). He is immortal for all intents and purposes. When he is fatally wounded and dying, he regenerates. When this happens, his appearance completely changes. Besides being a convenient way of changing the lead actor who plays the Doctor, it has been a great device to keep this show on the air for an extraordinary amount of time for a tv show. Many decades. And the show has a very strong cult following. In a nutshell, the Doctor travels around the universe through time and space, rescuing those who need to be rescued, and saving worlds from evil of all sorts. It's not a show for everyone, you either love it or you don't. I am one of those who love it. There are Dr. Who books written by many fine authors, and there are probably books written about the Dr. Who phenomena. 
Anyroad. I'm sure you can find out a lot more about the Doctor just by googling him.
Unfortunately for me, being able to see Dr. Who has been rather problematic. PBS, which depends upon donations by members, has only carried the show for brief periods of time. The SiFi channel, also, only carries it occasionally, and almost never carries the most recent shows. But now, on my current basic cable programming, I get the BBC America channel, and yes! Praise the lord and pass the ammunition! (a rather old expression), I can now, once again, watch the Doctor in all his glory, as well as all his companions, friends, and enemies.
So, with all the hate, prejudice, violence, cheating, stealing, lying (mostly by those da** Republicans), and all the other terrible things going on in the world, the Doctor is once again in his Tardis (a time and space machine in the shape of one of the old blue British police boxes). 
And therefore, all is well. 

World's Still Here It Seems...At Least For the Moment

Some Countries are freer than others. I think you would find that hard to argue with. I consider myself lucky to have been born in the US. And that's what it is, luck of the draw. Look at what happens to dissenters in Russia and China, as well as many other "less free" places. Here, at least for the present, I can say whatever I like about the government, including criticizing those in charge, and as long as there is no physical harm threatened, I remain free and "un-tortured". 
Of course, if those who would be the new "Royal" American class come to power, that might change. We'll just have to see if there is a second American Civil War coming. It might be necessary to prevent the disenfranchisement, and yes, even the enslavement, of the poor, the old, the disadvantaged, and the minorities. I really don't like those Republican sons-of-beechnuts.
Anyroad, once again I had great plans for my day, but due to a long bout of wrestling with demons (a physical thing, not a spiritual one), instead of sleeping, I have to settle for getting some of the less strenuous chores taken care of. I'm not really happy about it, but as an infamous killer supposedly once said, "Every day above ground is a good one." So, I will settle for doing what I can.
My demon wrestling didn't seem to disturb Eddie, but Albert did a lot of bear-type grumbling during the course of the night. He left early in the morning, whether because of my making to much noise or not, I couldn't say. Once I was up, Eddie proceeded to have a very agitated morning. He drove me crazy until a short time ago, when he finally settled down and took a nap on my shoulder, followed by another nap on my foot. He's preening (grooming himself) at this time.
So, yes, I know I have a couple of things to catch up on, but they'll just have to wait for now. I am going to have a cup of tea, read some Howard Waldrop (I'm reading his collection "Howard Who?"), and go walking with Mom. Gotta' make sure she gets her exercise. Assuming the world is still here tomorrow, and for most of us I hope it is, well...we'll take things from there...'til then, be well...  

I Hate Republicans...Can I Still Vote?

One of the laws they are trying to pass in many states is that everyone will have to take a written test, which is designed to find out how you feel about Republican candidates. Well, "everyone" being everyone who is not rich, white, corporate, or yes, Republican. For all those who don't meet their standards (liking Republicans, and believing Corporations are people), they have plans to find a way to deport them. Maybe to Gitmo.
It's an interesting time to be alive in this country. It seems there is a major effort on the part of all those right wing conservatives, to tear down democracy, and create a land with freedom for some. Mainly, once again, the rich and privileged. And to hell with all those embarrassing poor, disadvantaged, and minority people. Who needs 'em, anyway.
Ok, then. Being Friday at 11:03 am, I now have to prepare myself to get to the Library so I can help confuse and bewilder my English learning friends with how amazingly not simple the English language is. So, maybe more later. I do also have a review of a story collection by John Langan that I hope to get posted on my other blog, Books & Birds, as well. 
So, until later, please be kind to any Corporations you run into. As well as "job creators", of course.
Hasta luego...  

Just Another Day? That's One Way To Look At It...

Well, against all odds it would seem, I did manage to get a decent amount of sleep last night. Not as much as I would have liked, but definitely enough to get by. Thanks at least in part to Albert, my big, furry, sometimes roommate (He's a black bear. Really). He actually saved my life twice. Once on Friday night, when a vanishing spider attacked me in the middle of the night. Ah, you never heard of a vanishing spider. I wouldn't expect you to know of this rare, ugly arachnid, since outside of Little Valley (the place I come from) there aren't any. And they are extremely rare within Little Valley. Which does lead me to believe that this had been a special delivery from someone, or something, from my place of origin. By the way, they are called vanishing spiders because, like chameleons, they have the ability to completely blend into their backgrounds. They also are lethally poisonous.

Anyroad, I started to wake when I felt something land on top of the bed covers. I didn't bolt awake because as big as these ugly things are, they aren't all that heavy. But the next thing I felt did a lot more than completely wake me up. Something tried to punch a hole through one of my kidneys (I was sleeping on my stomach, as usual). And that, was Albert. It seems, at least according to my bearish friend, that bears have a very sharp sense of hearing. He had not only heard the spider plop down on top of the covers as it landed on top of me, but he also heard it creeping softly across the ceiling before it dropped. So, he killed the spider with one blow. But I was under that blow, which left me incapacitated, but loudly moaning, with a very bruised lower back. 

Now, this attack did worry me. But maybe not as much a it should have. Which is why it was a good thing that Albert decided to keep an eye on me. So, three nights (more or less) later, I was having another tough time finding my way to dreamland. This would have been late Monday night, or to be more accurate, in the wee hours of Tuesday Morning. I took it into my head to go jogging to make up for missing a couple of days of exercising. The little track I jog on is somewhat isolated, and except for one street light at the far end of a parking lot which on the side of the field, it is completely unlit. Pretty darn dark, actually. But I have jogged there for close to ten years, and could do it with my eyes closed. Well, maybe with my eyes closed. I'm not going to try it.

Anyway, there I am jogging along, breathing like a freight train (do freight trains breath?), and I get hit (but this time it's not Albert) in the back of the neck, knocking me to the ground. When I roll over in an effort to start getting to my feet, I am looking up at myself. Yup, it's evil me. The guy, or thing, that looks like me, but makes my skin crawl when I look at him. Or it. He/it takes advantage of my shock, and plants a foot on my chest to immobilize me. Sometime around then, I see he (it) is holding a rather large, and sharp looking knife. I am seeing all this, but my brain has stopped functioning. But I haven't seen anything, yet. His unpleasantly smiling face drops towards me like a silent falling moon, when, in my state of complete disconnect, I hear a growl, and instead of seeing that knife sink into my chest, it disappears in front of my eyes, along with the hand of my doppleganger (I believe it's a German term for a double, someone who looks exactly like someone else). I am showered with the blood of my evil twin, who has disappeared from my immediate vicinity. It seems I owed my life to Albert a second time. You see, he decided to follow me, and act as an unseen protector of sorts. He doesn't think humans are very smart, and that would include me. But whereas it wouldn't actually bother him for most adult humans to meet their demise (die), he feels he owes me something for sharing my humble abode with him. He also has a soft spot for children. That probably has something to do with the little girl who rescued him when he was a young cub. 

And there you have it. That's pretty much the whole story of how Albert saved my life twice. He hasn't said too much about it, other than to say that even though he did spit the hand out (he bit it completely off, which may be why my would be assassin ran off so quickly) immediately after, he still has a really bad taste in his mouth. Off course, I am giving a rough translation. I can't use the kind of language he did, since my Mother reads this blog. 

But, we both have recovered. He more quickly than I, it would seem. And although yesterday did not see me in a good frame of mind, today was actually a pretty decent day. So, life goes on. At least for the moment...     

A Moment Please

I'm afraid I've gotten a bit behind on things, which does happen somewhat regularly. My immune system disorder, or at least some of its symptoms, have been making sleep particularly difficult for several days now. Well, that and I tried to kill myself Friday evening. No, it wasn't attempted suicide. I'm not capable of doing myself in, never mind the fact that I do truly enjoy life, even at the worst of times. It was attempted murder. By my other self. Not a strictly serious attempt, however, or I would probably be dead. But all that is another story, and being a bit rushed at the moment, it will have to wait.
I do want to mention that it is my late Grandmother's birthday today. She left this world over thirty years ago. Her name was Theodora McCarthy. She was a warm, funny, and wonderful woman. And I hope she can be  a quarter as proud of me as I am to have had her for a grandmother.
As a last note, starting tomorrow (I hope) I will be posting book reviews for those who are interested, to my other blog, which I have not used in years, it seems, Books & Birds at www.bookblurb.blogspot.com. I feel it would be best to do these at another location as not everyone will be interested. 
And so, Goodnight. I hope the morrow finds you well...

Did You Say Something?

Hello? Speak up! Say something, for pete's sake. I can hear someone breathing. Maybe you need to take better care of yourself. And what have you been eating?! Your breath stinks! Sorry for being so blunt, but you could at least gargle with some mouthwash, or chew on some breath mints, for crying out loud. I know, I know, you just want to flit around reading other peoples' thoughts, and whatnot. You really don't want to talk to anyone, or especially, run into them face to face. That would be terribly uncomfortable. Oh, the embarassment. I bet you are on your couch right now, in your underwear.
But should reading peoples' private thoughts and such be that easy? Don't you think there should be a price to be paid for invading peoples' personal blogs? After all, have you never heard of the "no free lunch" rule? Please. Don't insult my intelligence. I'm sure you have no concern for those whose humble lives you drop in on to read about  whenever you feel like it, without a by-your-leave of any kind? I do have to say, that does show a certain lack of respect. 
You read my inner most thoughts and feelings, and yet, you have never offered me a cup of tea, inquired about my health (not really that great at the moment, thanks for asking), or even sent me flowers. And worse, I have never gotten a word out of you, in any form. THAT, is cold. 
Now, I'm not expecting to be paid for banging on this keyboard in some vain attempt to communicate to the world around me. Uh, uh. I would just like a little recognition. Maybe a kind word. At least some form of acknowledgement. Really. It would be nice.
Well, my Mom always told me that one day I would understand what it is to be unappreciated. I hope she's happy now, anyway. Y'all are truly unbelievable. Maybe it's because you just weren't brought up right. Or, maybe you were raised far from the normal conventions of human society. I can only begin to guess.
I bet you don't even think that I could possibly be talking to you. You probably believe that you are an intelligent (doubtful), mature (Hah!), adult human being. But I can assure you, it's only a physical thing. 
Well, it is my feeling on this particular subject, that you should make a point of doing something very nice for me. It doesn't have to be much. (I'm actually pretty easy to please.) Or, I will have no choice but to come looking for you, wherever you may reside, and pitch my tent in your front yard. If you have one. But I'm sure I will be able to settle in somewhere close by. Spend some time talking to your neighbors. Follow you around, see where you shop. Stuff like that. It could be interesting. For me, anyway.   
Maybe I'll see you soon...I'll check my schedule...  

Magic Hour

It was in the movie Reign Of Fire, where I first heard twilight time, the moment between the setting of the sun and the fall of full night, called the magic hour. I think of it that way always, now, but not because of the adverse effect it has on dragons' keen vision, since I've never seen a dragon. Well, not a traditional dragon. But that's another story.
Twilight is that magical time when anything seems possible. The world at that moment appears to be changing, pulling a werewolf transformation, if you will. After all, the night holds an air of danger that the bright light of day does not. But ah, that moment in between. It's as if time stands still, and it feels like something beyond the usual humdrum reality surrounding us, is about to step through. I love that time of day.
I remember being in a park in Burlington, Vermont, a good number of years ago, back when I was in college. It was a beautiful clear summers day. This park had an old tower made of bricks at one end. It dated back a good hundred years or so, and was approximately three stories high. When the sun set, I was standing on the top, and I remember seeing a Russian wolfhound and a tall, thin, and very strange looking man seemingly appear out of thin air, about two hundred feet out from the tower on the lawn below. First, there was just a shimmer in the air, and then as if slipping through from another place, Presto! There they were.
I will never forget that sight. It struck a chord deep within me that ran shivers up and down my body.
Magic hour. Don't go looking if you don't want to see.     

Inspire Me, Dammit!

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that some days are tougher than others. Those, generally, are the days I really would rather not get out of bed. Or, on a really bad day, I might just prefer to be buried out back.
On those worse than the average day, even a smarter than the average bear (Yogi Bear), just might need to find inspiration wherever it happened to be available.
Inspiration doesn't necessarily have to be positive. As a sales manager I once worked, for many moons ago, once said, "If I hold a gun to your head, I bet you'll have no problem accomplishing what I want you to." Well, experience makes me think he's right. I only had a gun held to my head once, but did just what the guy holding the gun wanted. I gave him all the money I had on me.
In my case, inspiration varies greatly. For instance, the only reason I managed to crawl out of the blanketing warmth of sleep to go jogging this morning, was because I knew I would feel a lot better later in the day for having done so. Other days, I might actually feel like going out to jog. Really. There is a day like that every once in awhile. 
And when it comes to being consistent in struggling along with physical exercise, even watching what the athletes at the Olympics go through can be quite inspirational. Particularly the female athletes. At least for me. Hey! I know I'll never date any of them. But I guy has to have a dream.
Anyroad, I have to clean Eddie's cage. A couple times a month it has to be disinfected as well, and this is one of those times. It's a long and tedious task. But some poor schmuck has to do it. Yeah. Me.
And so, onward. The lesson I guess, is find inspiration where you can, and use it. And if you do find some, please, send some of it this way, will ya'? I'd appreciate it. 
Have a nice day.